Motherhood, Pregnancy

Big Belly Ramblings

2 November 2013


I have been creating a whole new human being in my womb for 16 weeks today! Hello second trimester!!
So it’s been great, which is just a pregnancy way of saying I never got morning sickness – oh yes, I am a freaking baby machine.  My heart goes out to you if you did, really it does. I just could not imagine having to cope with that, the tiredness, the insomnia, going to work all day, back pain and painful breasts too.  I am so grateful I am an obvious baby machine.

I could show off I never got a day of sickness because I cannot show off that I will have a nice, cute, small bump because I started looking like 6 months pregnant from week 8. My belly is huge, humungous, gigantic – how did it happen? Well I can tell you how it happened, being pregnant with Yanice was well and truly fucked my stomach muscles right up! Also thanks to my lovely mother, I was reminded me that I was younger, fitter, slimmer and tighter back then – thanks for that!  Check me all this time feeling like a super MILF because I made a baby and 4 months later I had a flat stomach, when this time my muscles crying for mercy because they have turned into soup.  Well not me again, when I make this child it’s serious business – forget just having a flat stomach, it’s all about having a STRONG stomach. Actually, on second thought, who am I fooling When will I find the time to study, mind 2 children, keep husband happy, run a house, work full time AND strengthen my core? I will have to accept a weak, flat stomach yes.

I tried to keep my fitness up by not giving up running. I said I TRIED! How the fuck do people does run when they are pregnant? I am so envious. First I get so out of breath I feel I will die. Then I feel like someone shoved a vacuum up my ass while at the same time punching me in my tummy. Is it just me?  So now on top of everything else to worry about, I feel paranoid about being a fatso, so I am walking instead of running. I tried Zumba too but I simply look absolutely ridiculous doing a belly wine! So let’s talk about pelvic floor exercises. The books say you can do them anywhere because it is a discrete exercise – well they never met me! I get feelings closely resembling orgasmic waves so my facial expressions dictate that I have to do these exercises privately. I cannot be the only freak. Please tell me this happened to you too.

My breasts. Lord fadda my breasts!! They are not just painful, they are massive. I am not a fan of big tut tuts, no not at all, even if they do come with the benefit of excessive attention from my tut tuts loving husband – I am still not amused.  The only people who are fans of big tut tuts are men and small breasted women who don’t realise how lucky they are.  Big tut tuts are just a damn inconvenience. Nothing fits, bras are 4 times the price of reasonably sized ones and let me not begin to talk about the absolutely disgusting appearance of maternity bras – I am not wearing that shit!! That is not a bra, that is a hammock! An old stinking long time hammock!

Along with heavy tut tuts comes back pain. It keeps me awake, I’m not sleeping well at all. I guess that’s a good thing? I prepare me for the reality of having a new born?

However, there are many lovely, wonderful, marvellous things about being pregnant. All in all I am thoroughly enjoying the experience.  Just the thought that I am creating a little person is enough to make me feel overwhelmingly proud.  Last night I felt little babba move for the first time!!! Gentle little movements that for now only I can feel (poor husband is ready to die from jealously!).  For the first time I am lost for words to describe the immense joy such a simple rumbling in my tummy has brought me. It’s all happening now, all real, I do have an actual beautiful little human being growing in there. My body is a genius!!!

If I thought I had a doting husband who treated me like a queen before, well I didn’t see nothing yet!! The man is just the best person I have ever known, with a cherry on top. I am being thoroughly spoilt by both my boys and hell yes I am milking them for all they got!! Well why not? Give me one good reason. I have to ruin my stomach and push a whole person out of my vagina, I deserve foot rubs and massages on demand and I can request midnight trips to the shops because I simply must have raspberries right now!

Yanice is being super-duper obedient. I mean he was always a good boy who never gives me trouble but he is even better. He is determined to set a good behaviour example to his new sibling and he has decided now is a good time to start. He explained to me his motivation is he doesn’t think he will be able to stand having a badly behaved brother or sister so it’s up to him to teach them how to be good – fair enough.

My skin was going to complete shit but is now starting to look radiant – I got rosy cheeks and everything! My usually unhealthy, chipped nails are actually able to grow more than 1mm from my nail bed and are getting long and so I have feminine hands finally!! My hair looks jet black from its newly acquired healthy shine and is growing like wild fire. Now all I need to find is a hair dresser in this country who doesn’t offer me a look of extreme panic when I walk into their shop with my thick, flowing set of long, fabulously curly locks – oh how I miss my Trini hairdresser!!

Apart from the whole creating a miracle thing (and of course having simply the best excuse to shop!), one of the very best things about having a bump is the public’s reaction to me. I call it the “awww reflex”. That response you get from perfect strangers who give you that look of “awwwwww look at the cute pregnant lady”, followed by a big contagious smile and sometimes even a hello. I also get little girls asking to touch my belly, little boys don’t generally give a shit. It’s a heart-warming, mushy feeling you get from this – the feeling that even strangers think you are doing something important, the most special thing a woman can do.  English people get angry when it starts to get cold, like if when it happens every year they are in shock. But when I pass with my big belly I can make them smile while hustling to get where they are going in the cold, dark miserable winter streets – amazing!!

Oh how I love being pregnant, I better love it after trying so damn hard to make this child! I want to be pregnant for a long time, gives me plenty time to mentally prepare for what’s coming. New born babies are not fun, they are hard work!! It is just a necessary evil we have to go through to get the child to an age where we can actually enjoy being mothers.  You don’t sleep, if you get a proper shower it’s a miracle, breast feeding is NOT a pleasant experience and the child is too young to give you a smile to make it all better. It’s just gimme, gimme, gimme, cry, cry, cry. Mothers don’t like to admit it but dealing with a new born is not enjoyable, they feel if they confess this it means they don’t love their baby – what assness.  Mothers need to be more supportive of each other and less judgemental I find.
It really annoys me, the dishonest “mother of the year” types – yes you know them. “Oh it’s been so wonderful, I look forward to waking up every two hours for night feeds just to hold my baby and bond with her again” – shut the fuck up!!

I am currently counting down the days to my 20 week scan in December, when I will find out the sex of little one. Until recently I desperately wanted a girl but now I don’t care what it is, I am just overjoyed to have one, anyone, any sex.

Until then……I out!


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