12 July 2013
When I started running, about 1 year ago the only things that went through my mind were how painful it was, how much I wanted it to stop, my feet hurt, my chest is going to explode, I AM going to die, I want to stop, I HAVE to stop, I am going to stop!! Less than one mile in and I stop and walk back home, not to attempt another try for at least 2 more weeks, when I got fed up of being fat.
After a year I have accomplished two things, I now run without stopping for just over 5 miles, three times a week and now I think about tons of other things apart from how much I loathe to run. My thoughts entertain me and make me want to run again the next day. I do love my own company, I am such good company. I am also, however, still fat.
Here is a list of the shit that went through my head on my last run….
I freaking LOVE you Machel Montano!! I seriously could not do this without you.
My sister is a skinny bitch, I love her but she is a skinny bitch and she pops into my head A LOT during a run and inspires me to keep going. She said male runners are friendlier than female ones, and would smile and say good morning to her more often than the ladies, this is not my experience. I have to conclude that the women are more friendly to me because my body does not look like my sister’s and so I am not going to stop, I am going to keep running until these bitches stop grinning at me, until they hate me because I am such a skinny bitch!!
What de fuck is that fabulous, glamorous, young woman doing with that quail up old man looking half dead?? I am baffled, confuffled, confused…..oh look he’s escorting her onto his yacht, I get it now. Women are strange creatures, yes. You feel she has sex with him? Can he even do that? Maybe that is his main attraction, the fact that she doesn’t have to do him. Me, I don’t care, I prefer marry a sexy, young man with no money than a rich old one. And that is exactly what I did………ah boy Jamie is so sexy!
I mean a man has to have ambition, is what I love second most about Jamie, after his sexiness, because you can’t live on love alone forever. But oh yum, I am not touching no old totee just because it sitting on a yacht!
Ok I lie, what I love most about Jamie is how much he makes me laugh. But if he didn’t have a six pack and he made me laugh just as much, we could be friends. People who say it’s only personality that counts, fooling themselves yes. I wonder if they really believe that? Talking about that, when I ask him what he loves most about me he says he loves that I am so odd. But what de ass kinda answer is that? I must ask him to explain exactly what he meant by that. That girl in work says I am a snob just because I say I don’t want my child to bring home no woman without a degree and who isn’t beautiful. I wonder how many people think that? I must ask. Gosh white girls have nice legs boy, and pretty feet. If it’s one thing I would change about myself is my legs, I hate them. They cokee, watch I just kick my own fucking ankle for the fifth time and it bleeding now!! Aauurrghhh! Oh god I always sweat like my father jeezan ages! It bunning my eye man. Watch she nah, speeding past me and she not sweating, looking all elegant and sexy – bitch! Oh gosh I love to see grandparents with their grandchildren. It just somehow looks like the way it should be, the hands of experience. Lucky little boy, not left to the devices of his parents who don’t know what on earth they are doing. It’s a funny concept, giving the biggest responsibility in the world to someone with no experience, who’s going to guess their way through raising a child. I wonder how to convince my parents to move to England? Well unless they have panorama in London my father isnt coming here a ass, and well Mama isnt leaving he, or Nadya– shit! Oh god I’m tired. Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, just keep running, just keep running, just keep running running running. FLOAT!!! Right I ready again….. Lord fadda I have to buy a proper running shoe yes. What Tally say? Reebok free run? I have to stop putting off buying that yes. Do I have £70 to spend on a shoe? Everything I need so damn expensive. Cus I have flat feet, I need a £70 running shoe. Cus I have big tut tuts, I need a £40 bra. Cus I have a bottom, only £50 Jane Norman jeans fit me. Because my skin is shit, only £60 proactive controls my acne. Why my father didnt give me his skin instead of his flat feet and sweat glands………….Jesus I’m sweating like a mother fucker! What to cook? I wonder if Yan would eat salmon, gosh he is so fussy. I am feeling to eat salmon. I really have to try to stop cussing so much, Yan fed up ask me to not do it so much. Buh where de ass he come from to tell me what to do? Wasnt he was happy I cuss that stupid bastard old man for shouting at my child for riding on the pavement? He didn’t complain then. Gosh I still really have to try to not do it. If I do my abs workout here in the grass that would give me a nice break from this torture. Shit two people coming…Must. Keep. Running. Oh god look at that hill how it steep. Don’t think about it, don’t think about it……think about……..WOW than man smells fabulous!! I wonder if he was cute. I haven’t seen a cute stranger for a long time. Where all the man gone boy? I prefer to gape at girls anyway, gosh watch this one, Weybridge eh play it have some sweet woman. I envy people who genuinely love to run. I wonder how many runs I have to do to turn into one of those freaks? This is not fun, this is hard, this is torture. I just can’t wait to reach back home now. Damn old man over take me?! I shame. Come on fatso, push it! So damn lazy thinking about how hard it is when pensioners passing you out!!! Should I be studying instead of running? If I pass my exam, I feel I will buy myself a fancy, expensive pair of running shoes. Why I decidde to become an actuary boy? Some ass gave me bad advice. I don’t even fit in with them people, well I hope I don’t. I fun and cool right? Who am I fooling, I’m a massive nerd and I love maths, that’s the truth. I feel I should write down all this shit that goes through my head yes. Should I post on fb? Yes Yes Yesssss, home!!! Am I skinny yet? Nope! All of that for 584 stinking calories? Right Machel, me and you again tomorrow….
This is Real Mama 