I started writing this blog a few weeks ago but was waiting for my tummy to go down a bit so I can get a decent photo of my scar. But I need to face reality now, it’s not happening so easily the third time round.
I keep seeing these perfectly photogenic, neat, almost invisible C-section scars on the internet that are making me wonder whether I should be suing the hospital over the state of mine! However, to be frank, I could not give a shit what it looks like because three amazingly beautiful miracles were pulled out of there!
Giving birth is tough, whether it be vaginal or via cesarian. I’ve had 3 C-sections. I was completely unprepared for my first one, didn’t even think of it as being an option. I had my whole birth plan written out and it included having a water birth in a dimly lit room with Enya playing in the background while I give birth like the warrior I am without screams and with not a drop of pain relief. What a naive fuckwit was I? First of all, why on earth are women encouraged to have a birth plan as if we can put on a piece of paper exactly how it’s all going to be, down to what music will be playing? It sets us up from the beginning for an anxiety attack! When I was told I had to have a section, after 56 hours of labour, I felt like the world was coming to an end, that I had some how failed at being a woman, that my body had betrayed me. I had a plan for fuck sake! Didn’t anyone read it? Where is my birth pool?!!!
I was shaking and terrified from beginning to end of the surgery. I actually don’t even remember being handed my bundle of joy for the first time because I was still in a daze over what was happening.
For my second and third I was significantly more mentally prepared but being physically prepared is just impossible. You get cut over the same scar each time so by the third time, with all the scar tissue, healing is not so simple and the scar, well, it can look like you were placed on a butchers table. And don’t bother asking for a tummy tuck to be thrown into the mix while they’re at it – the answer is no, I tried 3 times. How unreasonable! Thanks for that, now I have to actually lift my tummy to be able to get a photo of my bloody scar!
C-section mothers, like all mothers have no time to think about physical healing after childbirth. We have to bare it, suck it up and get on with mothering a brand new human. My daughter is 13 weeks old and if I sneeze too hard I still feel like my womb is going to come tumbling out my vagina! So next time I hear someone say that C-section births are taking the easy way out, I will put our head on my scar and release my tummy! Let’s see you try to breathe long enough to say another word. Bite me!
I celebrate my scar and my tiger stripes. I want to add my sagging tummy to that list but I have to be honest, I’m not quite there yet. However, they are all reminders of the power and strength of my mind and body. Physical proof that nothing beautiful comes easy and I have 3 perfect humans to show for it. So next time you see a mother, give her a bloody high five and remind her that she is a real live superhero!